Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize