please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
