they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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