Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
