***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
too bad you live with your parents still
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
