So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize