Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
