I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
