How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
