ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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