I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
