Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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