Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
