He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
