I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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