I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
