Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
