He asked to "fluff my boner.."
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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