You work out of a Hotel?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
