just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
