I must be too annoying 4 u.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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