a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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