id be glad to
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
