how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
