Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
