I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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