i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
