I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize