R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
