It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
