I wish I could punch you in the face.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize