have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
