All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
