Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
