Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
