I just threw up on my dentist
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
