i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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