she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
