apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
