Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
