I faked an abortion last night.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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