We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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