Dual....:-)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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