If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
