this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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