My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
