first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
