I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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