The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
