I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
