omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
