She said her name was "party"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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