Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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