Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
