I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize