WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
