just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
