eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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