Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
