We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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