Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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