bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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