Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think people are normalizing furries
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
