Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
