i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
