so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
