Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
