The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
