you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
